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Can a psychopath, who is immune to emotion, feel the Holy Spirit move in them? Can a psychopath be saved if they have no sense of right or wrong, consequences, or fear? These are the thoughts that find their way into my brain and take long strolls between my ears for hours at a time. I’m saying this with great ignorance and insensitivity, but can a psychopath, while they are in a state of psychopathy, really honor God?

I have too many things on my mind right now. I have been filling my brain with books, songs, and scripture, and any ability I may have possessed to organize my thoughts is now completely gone.

So instead of over-analyzing, dissecting, and resolving the thoughts that are currently milling around my noggin, I’ve decided to just list some of the provocative ideas and let you munch on them as well.

The Spirit vs. the Kick Drum by Derek Webb
[just watch it and pay attention to the lyrics]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe5VXedwoZU

Allowing somebody, one mere person, to believe that he or she is the vessel, the font and the essence and the source of all divine, creative, unknowable eternal mystery is just a smidge too much responsibility to put on one fragile human psyche. It’s like asking someone to swallow the sun. It just completely warps and distorts egos and it creates all these unmanagable expectations about performance. I think the pressure of that has been killing off our artists for the last 500 years” (Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love).
^^If you look at that concept through the filter of taking credit for the work of the Spirit instead of creating art, then maybe  your thoughts will go down the same path that mine did. Or maybe not…

ChristianAudio is giving away the book “Stuff Christians Like” by Jonathan Acuff for free right now, and I listened to the whole thing in 2 days then went and bought it in print because I liked it so much. You should listen to it. I laughed out loud a couple times, and silently chuckled about a million times.
http://christianaudio.com/free

The book “Forgotten God” by Francis Chan. I’m just starting it. I’m loving it already.

The other two things that are dominating my thoughts right now simply go beyond what a short summary can hold. I’ll list them, but there will definitely be posts to come that will expand upon these layered ideas. First, as a bride of Christ, I am essentially an unfaithful whore. That makes me feel disgusting and ashamed, but that’s kind of the point. Christ still opens His arms to me and forgives me. He reminds me that He’s all I need, and still I run with lust toward things of this world. Gross. Second, life is a lot like a road trip where we are in full control of the car, but fairly unaware of our surroundings. I’ll leave it at that, haha.

I’ll be in Kentucky all next week serving on a team of about thirty-five high school students and staff. See what we’re up to each day at kentucky.blogspot.com!
<<——- Or just click that link.

All of my college admission decisions came in today.

I pray so often for God to break me and humble me. This past week, I have begged God to wreck my world. I want Him to destroy the things that distract me from His perfection and glory.
I came to a realization as I was praying. If I really let God take over my life, to break me and humble me, then I need to completely let go of my college plans and my desire to end up at some ivy league school.
Because honestly, ambition and success are my weaknesses. It’s not money that I’m after, but achievement. It pulls my attention from Christ. It pushes me to be selfish and arrogant. And so, why would I long to go to an ivy league college?
The colleges that I wanted to attend were the exact places where my greatest weakness would be viewed as my greatest strength by everyone around me.
And so, after a full day of asking God to speak clearly to me, I receieved college decisions, and I didn’t get accepted to any of the places that I had originally hoped for. But, I am ecstatic because now I will be going to U of M and I’ll be close to HPBC. I can graduate in three years, and I’ll be surrounded by friends and SCS alum that will keep me accountable.
I often wish that all temptations could be pulled away from me, and while my own ambition and drive will always be a temptation, I can praise God because He took away the temptation of a pretentious school that I am not mature enough yet to handle. I would constantly be pressured to be the best, and I naturally feel defined by my accomplishments instead of finding pure joy in the fact that I am NOTHING and God still gave everything for me.
I was accepted to UMich, UChicago, and waitlisted to Johns Hopkins.
We serve an incredible God, and I honestly couldn’t be more excited right now that I don’t even have to struggle with decisions about next year. God is so great, and I stand speechless in His grace and mercy.

Random Thoughts, Organized